May 2006 Archives

Good Night, Sweet Syd

You've got to really think back to recall it, but once upon a time, Alias was the most preposterously thrilling show on television. Sprinting onto screens in the soul-rattling aftermath of the September 11 attacks, J.J. Abrams' superspy adventure -- pitch-style premise: Felicity in the CIA -- yanked viewers headfirst into a thrilling world of chases, fights, doublecrosses, and narrow escapes. It was desperately needed escapism, and by God, it worked.

Alias was young, it was hungry, and it had something to prove. As apple-cheeked badass Sydney Bristow, Jennifer Garner did many of her own stunts, and the sheer energy, sincerity, and hustle she brought to the role shone through onscreen. Abrams, then best-known for a cult-hit melodrama nearly derailed by one disastrous haircut, staged inventive action sequences that wrung every last dime from the show's budget, and somehow never let the show collapse under the weight of its increasingly improbable premise. Best of all, nearly every episode ended with a breathtaking cliffhanger, doled out with a regularity and a malicious glee that even Joss Whedon would envy.

The Alias that lurched a close last Monday was scarcely recognizable from its initial self. The cliffhangers and action scenes were mostly gone, trimmed away along with a hefty chunk of the show's budget in a previous cancellation-averting compromise. The scenes of Sydney's ordinary life with her ordinary friends, so essential to the show's original premise (without them, Felicity in the CIA just becomes, um, The CIA) had dried up and blown away years before. (At least when they left, they took away the Felicity-style sappy Lilith Fair soundtrack with them.) Garner, post-baby, -Elektra, and -Affleck, looked visibly bored and tired, while a long-gone Abrams had already begun and abandoned another series for the cold embrace of Hollywood. Alias had shifted from a show where things happened to a series in which people stood in various small rooms and talked to one another.

So it's impressive that the show seemed to regain at least a flicker of its former glory in its final two hours. It didn't get everything right, but at this point even doing things half-right was the equivalent of giving the show a good Viking funeral.

As Agent Tom Grace, Balthazar Getty -- hey, Bathazar, when is "Feast" coming out? -- has been a cypher all season long, a mumbly pseudo-Vaughn sustained largely by sporadic flashes of charisma and whatever clever lines the writers deigned to toss him. Yet I got seriously choked up by his final quiet moments, talking to Sydney-in-training Rachel (a rapidly improving Rachel Nichols) while waiting out the timer on a bomb he could neither defuse nor escape. The sweetly relieved smile on Tom's face when he heard Rachel say she would have gone out with him did more to develop his character than the entire preceding season had.

Rachel herself didn't fare too badly -- bonus points for a truly excellent use of an underwire -- though I wish she'd had more of a showdown with her deliciously nasty rival, Kelly Peyton (the wondrous Amy Acker). After a season full of superlative villainy, it was a bit anticlimactic to see Acker reduced to a whimpering coward by a single serpent. At least they both came out better than poor Carl Lumbly as Dixon. He was, well, there, as he'd been since the writers completely stopped trying to find anything to do with him. Except this time, he was there in dreadlocks, which was a bad idea for all concerned.

Ubergeek Marshall Flinkman (Kevin Weisman), one of only two characters on the show who never jumped the shark, got some of his best moments in the entire series. TeeVee readers may already know that I love me some Flinkman, but he never seemed braver, more mature, or less twitchy than he did in his final staredown with the evil Arvin Sloane.

And then, of course, there was Jack Bristow. The One True Jack. The Jack Before Whom All Others Must Bow. Victor Garber never stopped being a consummate badass from the moment the series began, and one of the only bright spots in Alias' later seasons was Garber and the writers' increasing willingness to have fun with Jack's gift for flinty, humorless mayhem. Though I initially rooted for Jack to come out of the episode alive -- the man is simply too mean to die -- the fantastic, entirely-in-character end he met was too good not to cheer for. Oh, sure, 24's Jack Bauer is a handy man with a set of alligator clips and a car battery, but would he take three shots to the chest, haul himself upright, secure a bandolier of high explosives, give an offer of guaranteed life everlasting the finger, and blow himself right the hell up just to screw over the man who done his little girl wrong? I think not. Jack Bristow, rest in peace. You've got a posse.

Even Ron Rifkin's Arvin Sloane, who'd been a curiously sympathetic and shaded villain since the series began, met what I considered a fitting end. I've seen other fans complain about Sloane's seemingly inconsistent characterization as he yo-yo'd from bad to good and back again, but I somehow bought the gray areas Rifkin operated in. Bringing back his freshly killed daughter Nadia (perpetually hot Mia Maestro) as the ghostly representative of his conscience could have been cheesy, but I liked it nonetheless.

And hey, as a cherry on top, they brought back slippery, sleepy-eyed Sark (David Anders). Sark is always, always awesome. Sark has been awesome since his very first scene in season one. Sark needs his own spinoff series.

So what did Alias' finale get wrong? Well, it would have been nice for Garner to at least try to come back to life onscreen, or demonstrate any kind of chemistry with Michael Vartan as the back-from-the-dead Michael Vaughn. The former offscreen couple still seemed to have some kind of spark in this season's first episode, and again when Vartan resurfaced in a clever midseason episode, but that rapport seemed well and truly snuffed by the time Vartan returned a few episodes back.

And most egregiously, the Alias finale did Spy Mommy a serious disservice. In the second season, Lena Olin's Irina Derevko was a sinuous marvel, never entirely good or evil, but always clearly devoted to her daughter. The series' dismal third season might have fared better if Olin hadn't pitched a salary hissyfit and refused to come back. (Yeah, "Hollywood Homicide" was a really smart career alternative, wasn't it?) Her return at the end of the fourth season helped greatly improve that entire year, and it seemed like she was firmly encamped on the side of the angels. But... uh... no. The writers, desperately casting about for a series-capping archvillain, seized on Irina, shearing off all of the character's delightful ambiguity in the process. Goodbye, established character development! Hello, unsatisfying end cribbed directly from "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade!"

TV won't be quite the same without Alias. I'll miss the thrills, the wigs, the head-kicks, and the persistent, effervescent sense of fun. Then again, I've been missing them for years, and the series has soldiered on nonetheless. It's a mercy that Alias is dead, really -- especially since it went out on a relatively high note. The miracle's not that it stayed alive as long as it did after losing its spark, but that it stayed as good as it was for as long as it did.

Sayonara, Sydney. Kick a few heads for me on your way out.

"24" Predictions Wrap-Up

TeeVee contributor David Rout writes in with an in-depth analysis of the odds for next season's 24.

If you haven't seen the 24 finale yet, don't look. Or look and be damned.

Upfront Reaction: ABC

We've said it before, but it bears repeating: Television executives are kinda dumb.

Are you dumb, too? Take this pop quiz to find out.

Question 1. Your traditionally embarrassing network has unexpectedly lucked into three hit programs in a single season. Fall 2005 approaches, and your advertisers are expecting you to capitalize on your newfound success. Do you:

A) Take the popularity of Lost -- a show primarily about deep, flawed characters with just a pinch of science fiction -- to mean that your audience is clamoring for caricature-populated, hugely improbable sci-fi such as Invasion and Commander in Chief?

B) Forget entirely about the apparently huge segment of the population that likes to watch crazy broads carp at each other?

C) See what that nice kid, Freddie Prinze, Jr., is up to; ask him if maybe he'd like to be on a sitcom or something, premise TBD?

D) All of the above.

If you answered D, you could be running ABC right now. And you would be hurting badly, since not a one of your new shows for 2005-2006 would have survived the cruel and uncaring Nielsen axe.

But hey, another year, another schedule. So ABC Entertainment prez Stephen McPherson thought long and hard about what exactly makes shows like Lost, Desperate Housewives, and Grey's Anatomy so popular. "Our success has been driven by great storytelling and memorable characters that audiences have fallen in love with," said McPherson at the ABC upfront presentation. "We set out to develop a diverse group of shows that will continue in that vein and also to grow our audience." And I have no doubt that Mr. McPherson is true to his word; that he did indeed set out with only the best intentions to develop diverse, gripping, character-rich, audience-growing goodness.

Sadly, what they actually ended up with was this crap.

Upfront Reaction: CBS

Oh, to be fat and happy. To be the number one network. To be Les Moonves and CBS.

CBS's fall schedule, in contrast with ABC's massive reworking (announced yesterday), is a remarkably conservative affair. Why not be conservative when you're riding high?

On Monday, the Raymond-generated sitcom block stays alive, now anchored by the unkillable Two and a Half Men and new-season sensation How I Met Your Mother. Also on the night, the Seinfeld curse is ever-so-slightly broken by the return of The New Adventures of Old Christine.

Hey, I've just realized something -- CBS has cornered the market on sitcoms that I find acceptably amusing and yet so inessential that I don't bother watching. I felt that way about Raymond after a couple of years, and about King of Queens. Likewise, I find Mother and Old Christine to be fairly amusing, but utterly not worth my time.

In any event, there's a new sitcom on the night, and it's The Class, a sitcom from two Must-See TV alums about a group of 20-somethings who went to third grade together. Sounds like there could be some interesting risks in the premise, and Jason Ritter so impressed me in Joan of Arcadia that I'd give him the benefit of the doubt here. But my guess? It'll be yet another funny but dispensable CBS sitcom.

The night ends with the hammy overacting of Horatio Caine -- I mean, David Caruso. He is a William Shatner for our times. (What, the original Shatner's still around? And won an Emmy?)

CBS' new Testosterone Tuesdays kick off with NCIS, followed by The Unit. Then comes a new series that, surprisingly, does not extoll the virtues of military men. In Smith, it's Ray Liotta and a cast of criminals who plot heists! Given the amazing success of Heist and Thief (hint: they aren't coming back), you've got to wonder how Smith will do. Even on CBS.

Wednesday brings more drama to CBS, with Jericho joining the Pantinkin bloodbath Criminal Minds and CSI: NY. The concept for Jericho sounds a bit like something that came out of one of those endless what-Lost-really-means bull sessions: residents of a small Kansas town see a nuclear mushroom cloud on the horizon and don't know whether it's the end of the world as they know it, and if they do or do not feel fine. Upside: A Rod Serling-level premise if done right. Downside: Rod Serling has been dead for 30 years.

CBS' Thursday is still led by Survivor (which is definitely showing its age -- here's hoping the show's producers throw in some curveballs this time!) and the show that everyone inexplicably watches, CSI. Newly set in the post-CSI slot is the new Shark. It's a legal drama starring James Woods and Seven of Nine. Who will make the first joke about Shark jumping itself? I guess that would be me.

There are no changes for CBS on Friday or Saturday nights, with inane drama Ghost Whisperer, Close to Home, and Numb3rs (yet another fine CBS show I can't be bothered to watch) holding down Friday and various detritus and 48 Hours keeping Saturday from blowing away.

Finally, Sunday -- or as we will soon come to call it, the Nipsey Russell line-up. Y'see, after 60 Minutes, here's what you've got. Amazing Race. Cold Case. And Without a Trace. Any more rhyming, Les Moonves couldn't face!

Upfront Quick Reaction: NBC

(Here's a quick-hit reaction to the new NBC fall schedule. And check out the new fall schedule grid by Laurel Krahn, as well as NBC's press release. -ed.)

I am cautiously optimistic about 30 Rock (Tina Fey-created show about a thinly-disguised SNL backstage, with Alec Baldwin as a network executive and Tracy Morgan as a movie star, which is the part of the show that makes it fiction) and 20 Good Years (John Lithgow and Jeffrey Tambor as "mismatched buddies").

Kidnapped looks like a single episode of Without a Trace stretched out over a whole season. Well, it'll probably get cancelled before it gets a whole season, but you know what I mean. I like the idea of Heroes, but that's largely because I dig stupid sci-fi shows, and this one looks like it will be the perfect bridge between Deal or No Deal and Medium. And it's got Flying Adrian Pasdar!

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip is the third show with digits in the title. Weird. It's also the second show about the "drama behind the humor of producing a popular, late-night comedy sketch show", so that's something. This one is by Aaron Sorkin, so I guess it'll be more dramatic than Tina Fey's (which is officially a "workplace comedy that takes viewers behind the scenes of a frenetic television variety show"). Normally when there are two shows with identical concepts, they're on different networks. I wonder if this means that the two fictional shows will be competitors, so Fey's showrunner (played by Fey) curses the show that's ahead of her in the ratings, she'll be talking about the show run by Matthew Perry and Bradley Whitford.

For that matter, I guess Friday Night Lights and Sunday Night Football have similar focuses.

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