Can We Surrender Yet?

By James Collier – March 20, 2003

So I was watching CNN yesterday, and they were talking about how some Iraqi troops began surrendering before the war started. It was kind of funny — the American soldiers actually turned them away and told them to come back after the war actually started. Of course me being me, I began wondering what that scene must have been like:

IRAQI SOLDIER: We wish to surrender.

MARINE: I’m sorry, sir. I’m going to have to ask you to come back tomorrow.

IRAQI SOLDIER: But we wish to surrender!

MARINE: My orders are specific, sir. First you must be shocked and awed. Then you can surrender. The shocking and awing doesn’t happen until tomorrow. Until then, please enjoy these complimentary sodas and sandwiches back at your base.

IRAQI: But I—

MARINE: Move along, sir.

IRAQI: But—

MARINE: I said “good day!”