I Want a Refund!

By James Collier – March 21, 2003

Once again, another televised war with Iraq has disappointed me. Man, they hyped this thing like it was gonna be Ali-Frazier IV, and it’s more like Holmes-Cooney II. If this were a pay-per-view boxing match, I’d complain: “I paid $50 for this? The fight didn’t even last 30 seconds! I didn’t even get to finish my beer!”

This was supposed to be the next-best thing to Armageddon. I mean: a mad dictator with chemical weapons. Perfect! So what happened? Even the Taliban put up a better fight than this.

I feel so used. I invested so much emotionally in this whole war, and what am I left with? A vague distaste for the French. I don’t know — I think the next time we have a war with Iraq, I’m not even going to bother to watch. It’s just not worth the effort.

At least there’s still North Korea…