ABC - The Reality Network Race for the Cure

So You Want To Be On TV?

Television used to be the province of the beautiful and talented. But reality TV has broken down that barrier. Now, anyone can be a famous television star -- even you!

Have you ever dreamed of finding your life partner amid an assembly of anonymous suitors? Or maybe you thought it would be nice to live in close quarters with a dozen or so complete strangers. Or perhaps you wanted a chance to engage in treachery and back-biting with zero consequences. Well, now you can do it all -- and ABC is here to help.

We're looking for people to help us make 22 hours of memorable prime-time television -- enthusiastic, well-endowed people of all ages between 18 and 49 and all races, particularly Caucasian, who aren't afraid to let their personality shine through on camera. Do you have what it takes to seize the notoriety you so richly deserve? Fill out this simple entry form and mail it, along with your social security number, credit card information, a photograph, and a waiver giving up all legal rights to abc@teevee.org. Who knows? The next over-exposed reality TV show sensation could be you!

Name:

Age:

Race:

Gender:

Sexual Orientation:

Marital Status:

I would be willing to do any one of the following if it meant appearing on television (check all that apply):

Remove my top
Remove my pants
Betray my loved ones
Renounce my long-held beliefs
Sell an organ
Marry/date randomly selected person/lifeform
Sing "The Greatest Love of All"

Please describe your appearance:

Have you ever done any of the following (check all that apply):
Appeared in/sold pornographic and/or fetish videos/Web sites
Been arrested for any sort of violent crime
Sent a threatening letter to Michael Eisner
Agitated for the violent overthrow of the United States government
Spent any amount of time in a prison marriage
Served as a Phone-A-Friend on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire"
Shot a man in cold blood
(Note -- checking yes will not disqualify you from participation in any ABC reality programming)

Are you litigious?

Are you a millionaire?

If "yes" to that last question, are you looking for a bride/husband?

Complete this sentence: The most dangerous game of all is

Which of the following would make you the least squeamish?

What qualities best describe your personality?

* Celebrity contestants only: I am so desperate to remain in the public eye,
I would:

 


The Cat