2008 Olympic TV Schedule by Lisa Schmeiser, teevee.net.
| Wednesday, August 6, 2008 | 2:00 AM | 2:30 AM | 3:00 AM | 3:30 AM | 4:00 A.M. | 4:30 A.M. | 5:00 A.M. | 5:30 A.M. | 6:00 A.M. | 6:30 A.M. | 7:00 A.M. | 7:30 A.M. | 8:00 A.M. | 8:30 A.M. | 9:00 A.M. | 9:30 A.M. | 10:00 A.M. | 10:30 A.M. | 11:00 A.M. | 11:30 A.M. | 12 P.M. | 12:30 P.M. | 1:00 P.M. | 1:30 P.M. | 2:00 PM | 2:30 PM | 3:00 PM | 3:30 PM | 4:00 P.M. | 4:30 P.M. | 5:00 P.M. | 5:30 P.M. | 6:00 P.M. | 6:30 P.M. | 7:00 P.M. | 7:30 P.M. | 8:00 P.M. | 8:30 P.M. | 9:00 P.M. | 9:30 P.M. | 10:00 P.M. | 10:30 P.M. | 11:00 P.M. | 11:30 P.M. | 12:00 A.M. | 12:30 A.M. | 1:00 A.M. | 1:30 A.M. | |
| MSNBC | The U.S. women's soccer team plays Norway (their women's soccer team, not the entire country) in a first-round match, airing live. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Telemundo | Olympic kickoff! I have no description beyond that. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Thursday, August 7, 2008 | 2:00 AM | 2:30 AM | 3:00 AM | 3:30 AM | 4:00 A.M. | 4:30 A.M. | 5:00 A.M. | 5:30 A.M. | 6:00 A.M. | 6:30 A.M. | 7:00 A.M. | 7:30 A.M. | 8:00 A.M. | 8:30 A.M. | 9:00 A.M. | 9:30 A.M. | 10:00 A.M. | 10:30 A.M. | 11:00 A.M. | 11:30 A.M. | 12 P.M. | 12:30 P.M. | 1:00 P.M. | 1:30 P.M. | 2:00 PM | 2:30 PM | 3:00 PM | 3:30 PM | 4:00 P.M. | 4:30 P.M. | 5:00 P.M. | 5:30 P.M. | 6:00 P.M. | 6:30 P.M. | 7:00 P.M. | 7:30 P.M. | 8:00 P.M. | 8:30 P.M. | 9:00 P.M. | 9:30 P.M. | 10:00 P.M. | 10:30 P.M. | 11:00 P.M. | 11:30 P.M. | 12:00 A.M. | 12:30 A.M. | 1:00 A.M. | 1:30 A.M. | |
| MSNBC | Men's soccer: US v. Japan. Let's hope the men actually qualify past this round. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Telemundo | Men's soccer: Honduras vs. Italy. This one will be live! Just imagine dragging your butt into work afterward and yawning about how you've been up for hours. | Men's soccer: Argentina vs. Cote d'Ivoire. Also live! But your coworkers will not be impressed if you watch this game live. They'll be wondering why you're not in the project meeting they scheduled for this time. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Friday, August 8, 2008 | 2:00 AM | 2:30 AM | 3:00 AM | 3:30 AM | 4:00 A.M. | 4:30 A.M. | 5:00 A.M. | 5:30 A.M. | 6:00 A.M. | 6:30 A.M. | 7:00 A.M. | 7:30 A.M. | 8:00 A.M. | 8:30 A.M. | 9:00 A.M. | 9:30 A.M. | 10:00 A.M. | 10:30 A.M. | 11:00 A.M. | 11:30 A.M. | 12 P.M. | 12:30 P.M. | 1:00 P.M. | 1:30 P.M. | 2:00 PM | 2:30 PM | 3:00 PM | 3:30 PM | 4:00 P.M. | 4:30 P.M. | 5:00 P.M. | 5:30 P.M. | 6:00 P.M. | 6:30 P.M. | 7:00 P.M. | 7:30 P.M. | 8:00 P.M. | 8:30 P.M. | 9:00 P.M. | 9:30 P.M. | 10:00 P.M. | 10:30 P.M. | 11:00 P.M. | 11:30 P.M. | 12:00 A.M. | 12:30 A.M. | 1:00 A.M. | 1:30 A.M. | |
| CNBC | What does the insomniac financial maven watch at this hour? Boxing -- and lots of it. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| NBC | Who wants to spend four hours of their live watching the opening ceremonies? You do! You do! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Telemundo | There will be an Olympic preview. I hope movie preview guy narrates. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| USA | This twelve-hour marathon starts at 11 p.m. the night before, and includes the following: the men's track and field 50K walk; women's table tennis semifinal; a Monk season 2 marathon; canoing finals; a men's water polo semifinal. Guess which one I made up? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Saturday, August 9, 2008 | 2:00 AM | 2:30 AM | 3:00 AM | 3:30 AM | 4:00 A.M. | 4:30 A.M. | 5:00 A.M. | 5:30 A.M. | 6:00 A.M. | 6:30 A.M. | 7:00 A.M. | 7:30 A.M. | 8:00 A.M. | 8:30 A.M. | 9:00 A.M. | 9:30 A.M. | 10:00 A.M. | 10:30 A.M. | 11:00 A.M. | 11:30 A.M. | 12 P.M. | 12:30 P.M. | 1:00 P.M. | 1:30 P.M. | 2:00 PM | 2:30 PM | 3:00 PM | 3:30 PM | 4:00 P.M. | 4:30 P.M. | 5:00 P.M. | 5:30 P.M. | 6:00 P.M. | 6:30 P.M. | 7:00 P.M. | 7:30 P.M. | 8:00 P.M. | 8:30 P.M. | 9:00 P.M. | 9:30 P.M. | 10:00 P.M. | 10:30 P.M. | 11:00 P.M. | 11:30 P.M. | 12:00 A.M. | 12:30 A.M. | 1:00 A.M. | 1:30 A.M. | |
| CNBC | Those middleweight and light heavyweight guys take a lickin' but keep on tickin' | Would you like a palate cleanser before the next round of boxing eliminations? Try first-round tennis matches. | And now that your palate's cleansed, watch the light welterweight and welterweight bouts. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| MSNBC | There's a lot of preliminary-round matches today. In women's soccer, it's Nigeria vs. Germany and Brazil vs. North Korea. In men's singles badminton and women's singles badminton, it's first-round match time. The first round of women's handball commences with France vs. Angola and Russia vs. South Korea. And women's volleyball fronts these matches: Italy vs. Russia and Poland vs. Cuba. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| NBC | Hey, did you miss the opening ceremonies the first time because you actually have a life on Friday nights? Then I'm assuming you're just getting in now and would love to catch the replay. | China + bicycles = BFF | The U.S. women's volleyball team tries not to get crushed by Japan. (NB: Women have not medaled since Barcelona.) | China + bicycles = TLA | Men and women's rowing begins. | Do not fret if you miss this hour of beach volleyball, as there are approximately 123 more hours of it being aired in the next two weeks. | China + bicycling = "I love you more than yesterday, less than tomorrow." | If Michael Phelps' performance is anything like it was at the team trials, this will be short and ugly (for everyone else.) | And beach volleyball's inexorable annexation of the Olympics commences, right on schedule. | Phelpsapalooza continues, right on schedule. | Tonight belongs to the swimmers: there's the men's 400m freestyle, the men's 400 IM, the women's 400 Im and the women's 4x100 freestyle relay. Will Dara Torres get a medal? Will the commentators remind us once every five minutes that she's a mom over age 40? O THE SUSPENSE! | Men's volleyball: U.S. vs. Venezuela: Oh, please, let Hugo Chavez show up and heckle! | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Telemundo | Hey, what do beach volleyball, soccer, boxing and indoor volleyball all have in common? Other than I'm bad at them all? They're all on right now. | More beach volleyball, more boxing. | Telemundo's putting something here, but no sabe que es esta. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| USA | This one goes to 4 a.m. and includes the following basketball matches: Spain vs. Greece and Lithuania vs. Argentina. There will also be dressage. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sunday, August 10, 2008 | 2:00 AM | 2:30 AM | 3:00 AM | 3:30 AM | 4:00 A.M. | 4:30 A.M. | 5:00 A.M. | 5:30 A.M. | 6:00 A.M. | 6:30 A.M. | 7:00 A.M. | 7:30 A.M. | 8:00 A.M. | 8:30 A.M. | 9:00 A.M. | 9:30 A.M. | 10:00 A.M. | 10:30 A.M. | 11:00 A.M. | 11:30 A.M. | 12 P.M. | 12:30 P.M. | 1:00 P.M. | 1:30 P.M. | 2:00 PM | 2:30 PM | 3:00 PM | 3:30 PM | 4:00 P.M. | 4:30 P.M. | 5:00 P.M. | 5:30 P.M. | 6:00 P.M. | 6:30 P.M. | 7:00 P.M. | 7:30 P.M. | 8:00 P.M. | 8:30 P.M. | 9:00 P.M. | 9:30 P.M. | 10:00 P.M. | 10:30 P.M. | 11:00 P.M. | 11:30 P.M. | 12:00 A.M. | 12:30 A.M. | 1:00 A.M. | 1:30 A.M. | |
| CNBC | Believe it or not, there are still some light welterweight and welterweight boxers still standing. | First-round singles and doubles matches. In tennis, not boxing. | Watch the wee fists of the featherweights and lightweights fly! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| MSNBC | Hope you still have room on your TiVo -- or the ability to record two marathons on two separate channels -- because MSNBC's second long haul includes women's field hockey (USA vs. Argentina), men's soccer (Italy vs. South Korea), badminton, men's volleyball (Serbia vs. Russia -- perhaps they can chat about how tough it is not to have a homogenous population), men's handball, men's trap shooting and -- YES! -- two men's water polo games. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| NBC | Attention, those of you just sobering up from drinking every time an NBC announcer marveled that Dara Torres was over 40 and a mom -- see what hot swimming action you missed during your booze-induced blackout. | It's the US "Redeem Team" against Yao Ming and whomever else is playing for China. Just keep any sponsorship foolishness to yourself, USA. | Another tough mother has the nerve to compete in the Olympics -- hi, weightlifter Melanie Roach! | Men's water polo alert: it's the USA vs. China. Also, more of the bicycling and more of the beach volleyball, the endless beach volleyball. | The bicycling ends, the swimming begins with qualifying heats for several events. More Phelps-watching today, and media focus will likely shift from Torres to Katie Hoff and Natalie Coughlin. | Tonight, people with very little bodyfat and very formfitting clothing will entertain you: it's swimmimg finals (not sure which ones, because NBC didn't say andf there's only so much I'll do for this spreadsheet) and the women's team qualifying events in gymnastics. | Women's volleyball: the USA meets four-times-straight champions Cuba. Everyone in Miami stays up to watch. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Telemundo | Apparently, the new definition of "easy like Sunday morning" includes "Ten hours of nonstop sports, covering swimming, beach volleyball, gymnastics and basketball." Get Lionel Ritchie on that, stat! After he's done watching the live Argentina vs. Australia game, of course. | So wrong to have boxing on this channel. It's like we're cuckolding CNBC! | Telemundo's putting something here, but no sabe que es esta. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| USA | This one goes to 4 a.m. and includes the following basketball matches: Spain vs. Greece and Lithuania vs. Argentina. There will also be dressage. | LIVE men's soccer! That starts at the slothfully late hour of 4:30 a.m.! It's USA vs the Netherlands. | And now a little something by the ladies: archery team finals and weight lifting. Also, there is some tennis. | Men's soccer: Australia is thinking of new lyrics for "Don't Cry for Me, Argentina"; Argentina is hoping they won't be singing "Another suitcase, another hall." | Fun fact: I began this spreadsheet because I wanted to figure out when women's water polo aired. The answer: in the TEN HOUR sports blockÉ | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Monday, August 11, 2008 | 2:00 AM | 2:30 AM | 3:00 AM | 3:30 AM | 4:00 A.M. | 4:30 A.M. | 5:00 A.M. | 5:30 A.M. | 6:00 A.M. | 6:30 A.M. | 7:00 A.M. | 7:30 A.M. | 8:00 A.M. | 8:30 A.M. | 9:00 A.M. | 9:30 A.M. | 10:00 A.M. | 10:30 A.M. | 11:00 A.M. | 11:30 A.M. | 12 P.M. | 12:30 P.M. | 1:00 P.M. | 1:30 P.M. | 2:00 PM | 2:30 PM | 3:00 PM | 3:30 PM | 4:00 P.M. | 4:30 P.M. | 5:00 P.M. | 5:30 P.M. | 6:00 P.M. | 6:30 P.M. | 7:00 P.M. | 7:30 P.M. | 8:00 P.M. | 8:30 P.M. | 9:00 P.M. | 9:30 P.M. | 10:00 P.M. | 10:30 P.M. | 11:00 P.M. | 11:30 P.M. | 12:00 A.M. | 12:30 A.M. | 1:00 A.M. | 1:30 A.M. | |
| CNBC | Those little featherweight and lightweight boxers continue eliminating one another. | Women's Olympic softball: USA vs. Venezuela. At stake: medals, oil rights. | The boxers keep getting tinier! Flyweight and bantamweights try to find, eliminate one another. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| MSNBC | LIVE! Women's basketball (Australia vs. Brazil), some beach volleyball (if you miss it now, you can catch it on any one of a dozen other slots), more badminton, some tennis, women's handball, men's weightlifting and -- my personal reason for being interested here, the Italy vs. Russia showdown in women's water polo. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| NBC | In recognition that today is a working day, NBC is only making you stay up until 3 to re-watch the swimming. | Beach volleyball cannot be stopped; it can only be contained. Also, there are more swimming preliminaries), men's cycling and rowing. | It's the men's team gymnastics final. This will likely not be an event where the bleachers are packed with people chanting "U-S-A! U-S-A!" The host country is GOOD. Also, there is beach volleyball (OF COURSE) and the men's 10 m synchronized diving final (we know acceleration is constant, but think about how tightly mass has to be controlled to keep the speed of the descent constant). And then there is the swimming -- NBC will be screwed if Phelps, Coughlin and Hoff aren't competing tonight. | US vs. Italy in volleyball; if we lose, we have to promise to burn all Olive Gardens to the ground. So, win-win, I'm thinking. (til 2:30) | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Oxygen | I don't know whether to be outraged or amused that Oxygen's attitude toward women watching the Olympics is "Ooh, look at the pretty horses!" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Telemundo | It's the ladies of evening! Women's volleyball, women's swimming, women's gymnastics. What? There's more than one definition for "ladies of the evening." | It's the women's 3 meter synchronized diving final! Also, there will be beach volleyball. | Telemundo's putting something here, but no sabe que es esta. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| USA | É as I was saying, the ten hour sports block USA is airing now. I guess it's habit -- "Whoops! We have ten hours to fill and we misplaced the Law & Order. Let's air canoing, water polo and beach volleyball." Seriously, USA, TEN HOURS IN A ROW? | Just in case your TiVo still has space left, USA network queued up another ten-hour block É | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Tuesday, August 12, 2008 | 2:00 AM | 2:30 AM | 3:00 AM | 3:30 AM | 4:00 A.M. | 4:30 A.M. | 5:00 A.M. | 5:30 A.M. | 6:00 A.M. | 6:30 A.M. | 7:00 A.M. | 7:30 A.M. | 8:00 A.M. | 8:30 A.M. | 9:00 A.M. | 9:30 A.M. | 10:00 A.M. | 10:30 A.M. | 11:00 A.M. | 11:30 A.M. | 12 P.M. | 12:30 P.M. | 1:00 P.M. | 1:30 P.M. | 2:00 PM | 2:30 PM | 3:00 PM | 3:30 PM | 4:00 P.M. | 4:30 P.M. | 5:00 P.M. | 5:30 P.M. | 6:00 P.M. | 6:30 P.M. | 7:00 P.M. | 7:30 P.M. | 8:00 P.M. | 8:30 P.M. | 9:00 P.M. | 9:30 P.M. | 10:00 P.M. | 10:30 P.M. | 11:00 P.M. | 11:30 P.M. | 12:00 A.M. | 12:30 A.M. | 1:00 A.M. | 1:30 A.M. | |
| CNBC | The littlest boxers keep trying to eliminate one another. That's right, bantamweights, I'm talking about you. | Women's softball: USA vs. Australia. If we lose, we have to publicly apologize for Outback Steakhouse. | Boxing: We're back to big, meaty men pummeling each other. The world makes sense again. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| MSNBC | The Serbs play the Croats in men's water polo; one is reminded of the infamous Yugoslavia vs. Russia match of 1968. If you're not up for watching the aquatic resolution of historical tensions, tune in for women's soccer (Nigeria vs. Brazil, USA vs. New Zealand), some Greco-Roman wrestling, weightlifting, badminton, tennis and China vs. Brazil in men's basketball. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| NBC | Admit it: you're going to stay up to watch men abuse their pommel horses. For once, that's not a euphemism for gay porn. | It's That Sport In Which A Ball Is Volleyed Whilst On A Beach, but really, stay fro the men's water polo match between the USA and Italy. | Hey, remember what I said about Phelps, Coughlin and Hoff last night? Good -- then I don't have to repeat it. Also, the women's team gymnastics event is tonight, as is the women's synchronized 10m diving final. | USA vs. Venezuela in women's volleyball. Is it too much to hope Chavez attends and cheers THIS time? | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Oxygen | Oxygen continues aiming its coverage squarely at my 10-year-old niece with day #2 of horsies and gymnastics. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Telemundo | You know what you're going to see a lot of on this channel? Beach volleyball. Someone alert Manhattan Beach! Also, there is gold-medal action in men's gymnastics and in swimming. | Women's soccer: Nigeria vs. Brazil. If they ever stop playing against one another, they can team up to form an oil cartel. Shh! Don't tell them! | Telemundo's putting something here, but no sabe que es esta. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| USA | É and this slog (which started last night) includes whitewater kayaking and canoeing, plus rowing. | Are we all familiar with the drill? I warn you that ten hours of viewing is coming up É | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Wednesday, August 13, 2008 | 2:00 AM | 2:30 AM | 3:00 AM | 3:30 AM | 4:00 A.M. | 4:30 A.M. | 5:00 A.M. | 5:30 A.M. | 6:00 A.M. | 6:30 A.M. | 7:00 A.M. | 7:30 A.M. | 8:00 A.M. | 8:30 A.M. | 9:00 A.M. | 9:30 A.M. | 10:00 A.M. | 10:30 A.M. | 11:00 A.M. | 11:30 A.M. | 12 P.M. | 12:30 P.M. | 1:00 P.M. | 1:30 P.M. | 2:00 PM | 2:30 PM | 3:00 PM | 3:30 PM | 4:00 P.M. | 4:30 P.M. | 5:00 P.M. | 5:30 P.M. | 6:00 P.M. | 6:30 P.M. | 7:00 P.M. | 7:30 P.M. | 8:00 P.M. | 8:30 P.M. | 9:00 P.M. | 9:30 P.M. | 10:00 P.M. | 10:30 P.M. | 11:00 P.M. | 11:30 P.M. | 12:00 A.M. | 12:30 A.M. | 1:00 A.M. | 1:30 A.M. | |
| CNBC | Big, big, muscle-y men continue to brutalize each other in the hopes of getting Olympic medals. | Women's softball: USA vs. Canada. Bored Seattlites snort, "So, they recreated my high school league?" | Boxing: We move down the muscle mass scale, stay steady on the blood-flying-with-every-blow scale. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| MSNBC | The word of the day: preliminaries. We get preliminary rounds in volleyball (Cuba vs. China), baseball (USA vs. South Korea, Cuba vs. Japan), tennis, men's road cycling and Greco-Roman wrestling. MSNBC also promises "and more," but it's unclear exactly wht that means. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| NBC | In a way, NBC's doing us a favor with the primetime replays -- it's one less block we have to program on the TiVo. Unless, of course, you really want to relieve the women's gymnastics team finals. | USA vs. Italy in women's water polo this morning! Focus on that, ignore That Sport In Which A Ball Is Volleyed Whilst On A Beach. There are also swimming prelims to round out your morning dose of chlorine. | Hilariously, NBC's guide promises us Paul Hamm defending his title in the men's all-around gymnastics event. Guess what was written a month prior to the event! In addition to the gymnastics, there will be cycling, men's synchronized diving, and some swimming finals -- pay attention to the 100-meter freestyle because it's going to be a free-for-all. | USA vs. Serbia in men's water polo, swimming semifinals (til 2:30) | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Oxygen | Today, Oxygen broadens its coverage, and adds women in cute tennis outfits to the horsies and gymnastics. As my niece just discovered tennis, this only confirms my suspicions about the channel's target demo. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Telemundo | Live soccer! It's Honduras vs. South Korea. At this point, if you keep watching games live, you're going to have to convince your boss to let you telecommute so you can pass out around 11 a.m. guilt-free. Just send an email at 3 to make it look like you're working. | Men's soccer: Brazil vs. China. The refs are under orders not to allow free kicks because then it's a hop, skip and a jump to free Tibet. Also, it's the women's gymnastics team final and a gold medal diving competition. Gravity, schmavity! The gymnasts and divers laugh at you, Sir Isaac Newton! | Telemundo's putting something here, but no sabe que es esta. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| USA | É then I list the sports in this block. This morning's haul: USA vs. Nigeria and China vs. Brazil in men's soccer, and USA vs. Mali in women's basketball preliminary-round action. Also, whitewater canoeing, rowing (LIVE semifinals). My advice: catch the soccer on Telemundo instead. | This channel continues its quest to knock the Colbert Report off your TiVo forEVER with its ten-hour block of programming É | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Thursday, August 14, 2008 | 2:00 AM | 2:30 AM | 3:00 AM | 3:30 AM | 4:00 A.M. | 4:30 A.M. | 5:00 A.M. | 5:30 A.M. | 6:00 A.M. | 6:30 A.M. | 7:00 A.M. | 7:30 A.M. | 8:00 A.M. | 8:30 A.M. | 9:00 A.M. | 9:30 A.M. | 10:00 A.M. | 10:30 A.M. | 11:00 A.M. | 11:30 A.M. | 12 P.M. | 12:30 P.M. | 1:00 P.M. | 1:30 P.M. | 2:00 PM | 2:30 PM | 3:00 PM | 3:30 PM | 4:00 P.M. | 4:30 P.M. | 5:00 P.M. | 5:30 P.M. | 6:00 P.M. | 6:30 P.M. | 7:00 P.M. | 7:30 P.M. | 8:00 P.M. | 8:30 P.M. | 9:00 P.M. | 9:30 P.M. | 10:00 P.M. | 10:30 P.M. | 11:00 P.M. | 11:30 P.M. | 12:00 A.M. | 12:30 A.M. | 1:00 A.M. | 1:30 A.M. | |
| CNBC | It is official: the number of boxing matches CNBC is airing now exceeds the number of Rocky movies made. Hope you like welterweights! | Women's softball: USA vs. Japan. Angry infielders confuse Jennie Finch with Gwen Stefani, extract brutal revenge for harajuku girls stunt. | Aww! We're back to the featherweight boxers and their light little knockout punches. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| MSNBC | Hey, remember when the Grateful Dead sponsored the Lithuanian basketball team's uniforms? Good times, gooooood times. Relive the magic and light a candle for the thirteen-years-gone Jerry Garcia when you wake-n-bake to the Russia vs. Lithuania bout. China plays Japan in men's volleyball (prepare for some old WWII scores to be settled with a set-n-spike) and there's men's handball, which is sort of like volleyball only a heck of a lot more horizontal. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| NBC | You can re-air the men's all-around gymnastics event all you want, NBC, but Paul Hamm still won't be showing up to defend his title. | This won't be your morning if you're afraid of water: there are whitewater kayaking finals, rowing finals, and swimmimg prelims. (Personally, I love the prelim rounds -- that's where all the best surprises tend to be.) | Aaron Piersol (whom I dig) and Michael Phelps will likely be competing in the men's 200 m back and 200 m IM respectively. It's also the women's gymnastics all-around finals. I recommend eating a lot of ice cream when watching the finals, because then, when one of those little pixies performs some joint-popping, muscle-twisting move, you can mutter, "Sure, that's all right -- but I get to eat Chubby Hubby ANY TIME I WANT." | Stay tuned for lots of water action -- swimming, kayaking (til 2:30) | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Oxygen | Alas, it's the last day of dressage competition. We'll always have women's tennis! And gymnastics. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Telemundo | It's the men's gymnastics all-around final. I cannot watch men's gymnastics without thinking about "American Anthem" and wondering why we don't have more movies about elfin acrobatic stud muffins. Get on it, Hollywood! Also, there will be swimming. | Beach volleyball is to Telemundo what boxing is to CNBC. Also, there is diving. | Telemundo's putting something here, but no sabe que es esta. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| USA | É and today's block includes USA vs. Netherlands in baseball and USA vs. Germany in women's field hockey, women's fencing, women's archery, and, of course, your RDA of bikini-clad athletes with some beach volleyball. | Why does this channel start its blocks this late at night? Is it afraid of cutting into a Psych marathon? Tonight's roster É | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Friday, August 15, 2008 | 2:00 AM | 2:30 AM | 3:00 AM | 3:30 AM | 4:00 A.M. | 4:30 A.M. | 5:00 A.M. | 5:30 A.M. | 6:00 A.M. | 6:30 A.M. | 7:00 A.M. | 7:30 A.M. | 8:00 A.M. | 8:30 A.M. | 9:00 A.M. | 9:30 A.M. | 10:00 A.M. | 10:30 A.M. | 11:00 A.M. | 11:30 A.M. | 12 P.M. | 12:30 P.M. | 1:00 P.M. | 1:30 P.M. | 2:00 PM | 2:30 PM | 3:00 PM | 3:30 PM | 4:00 P.M. | 4:30 P.M. | 5:00 P.M. | 5:30 P.M. | 6:00 P.M. | 6:30 P.M. | 7:00 P.M. | 7:30 P.M. | 8:00 P.M. | 8:30 P.M. | 9:00 P.M. | 9:30 P.M. | 10:00 P.M. | 10:30 P.M. | 11:00 P.M. | 11:30 P.M. | 12:00 A.M. | 12:30 A.M. | 1:00 A.M. | 1:30 A.M. | |
| CNBC | The bantamweight boxers continue to eliminate one another, as do the featherweight boxers. Then the featherweight boxers hunt down smartasses making "Chicken Little" jokes. | Women's softball: USA vs. Chinese Taipei. Or, as we like to call them, "Taiwan." | The flyweights and middleweights have not stopped eliminating one another yet. Apparently, every Olympic team fields approximately 256 boxers. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| MSNBC | So, the good news first: you'll be able to see TWO women's water polo matches today (Netherlands vs. Australia, Hungary vs. Greece). Also, you can check out USA vs. China in women's volleyball, some random beach volleyball games (watch out: that sport has infected NBC's coverage like a virus), women's badminton and women's soccer. The bad news: MSNBC doesn't appear to be shaking this "12 brutal hours at a stretch" approach. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| NBC | Have y'all ever seen "Stick It"? You should, because it makes the gymnasts seem like live humans and not wind-up toys with piping voices. Starz usually has it on -- go watch that instead of this replay. | USA vs. Russia in women's water polo! You know how much the world has changed when this matchup is shuffled to a morning slot instead of hyped as a massive, speedo-clad battle of political ideologies. | I know Gary Hall Jr., got waxed during the team trials this year but I still think they should have brought him along just to mess with the Australians right before the 50 m sprint. Also, assuming Phelps makes the trials, he'll be swimming the 100m butterfly tonight. And there will be shotput. | It's the women's 10,000 meter track event. Or, as we like to call it in the jog-and-get-a-tshirt-world: the 10K. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Oxygen | Good news, sweet niece o'mine! We now have horses jumping! And more tennis. And more gymnastics, just in case the other two to three channels' worth of coverage isn't doing it for you. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Telemundo | Women's gymnastics all-around finals. I am rooting for a final like the one in "Stick It." Also, there are gold medal races in swimming and preliminary women's volleyball. But come on! It's gym-nice-tics! | There's a women's soccer game, plus beach volleyball and boxing. | Telemundo's putting something here, but no sabe que es esta. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| USA | É women's basketball and women's soccer. But the real action will be in the USA vs. Cuba baseball game (watch it and weep, SABRmetricians!) plus some track cycling ( I.e. the Olympics' answer to TRON) and some archery. | At least the 11 p.m. start time means I won't miss The Soup! Tonight's slog É | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Satuday, August 16, 2008 | 2:00 AM | 2:30 AM | 3:00 AM | 3:30 AM | 4:00 A.M. | 4:30 A.M. | 5:00 A.M. | 5:30 A.M. | 6:00 A.M. | 6:30 A.M. | 7:00 A.M. | 7:30 A.M. | 8:00 A.M. | 8:30 A.M. | 9:00 A.M. | 9:30 A.M. | 10:00 A.M. | 10:30 A.M. | 11:00 A.M. | 11:30 A.M. | 12 P.M. | 12:30 P.M. | 1:00 P.M. | 1:30 P.M. | 2:00 PM | 2:30 PM | 3:00 PM | 3:30 PM | 4:00 P.M. | 4:30 P.M. | 5:00 P.M. | 5:30 P.M. | 6:00 P.M. | 6:30 P.M. | 7:00 P.M. | 7:30 P.M. | 8:00 P.M. | 8:30 P.M. | 9:00 P.M. | 9:30 P.M. | 10:00 P.M. | 10:30 P.M. | 11:00 P.M. | 11:30 P.M. | 12:00 A.M. | 12:30 A.M. | 1:00 A.M. | 1:30 A.M. | |
| CNBC | The light flyweight and middleweight boxers continue their elimination rounds. Spreadsheet readers now drink every time they see "boxers" and "elimination." | It's a night of women's beach volleyball and women's weightlifting. Or, as I like to think of it, more variety in female physiques than a decade's worth of Vogue's "Shape" issues. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| MSNBC | It's the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling, 48kg and 55kg division! (That comment won't make sense to anyone who is too high-minded to watch the WWE.) Also, we get USA vs. Canada in baseball, an unspecified men's soccer quarterfinal, the promise of an equestrian event on a channel other than Oxygen and the ever-popular "and more." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| NBC | Admit it: the idea of Gary Hall, Jr., prancing around a pool deck in his satin robes and mugging for the cameras sounds really appealing right now, doesn't it? | USA vs. Croatia in men's water polo today! But you'll have to sift through a plethora of gold-medal events: rowing, track cycling, badminton. There is also trampolining -- a sport loathed by home insurers everywhere, no doubt -- and semifinals in track and field and diving. | It's the women's marathon tonight and you just know the finishers are going to be looking hardcore. Also, swimming wraps up with the medley relays and the women's 50m sprint, so brace yourself for more marveling at Dara Torres' age, functioning uterus. | Beach volleyball has invaded even this timeslot. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Telemundo | TWELVE SOLID HOURS, TELEMUNDO? Do you think my TiVo is so capacious, it has its own separate room to contain the hundreds of hard drives needed to hold your blocks of Olympic coverage? I mean, all you have listed are the men's soccer quarterfinals (live), plus finals in sports that don't require balls, i.e. track and field, and swimming. And yeah, I love to watch these sports but for TWELVE HOURS STRAIGHT? That is an Olympic endurance event unto itself. | Ninety minutes of men's volleyball preliminaries tonight. Tell me they're all in bikinis and I'll consider watching. | Telemundo's putting something here, but no sabe que es esta. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| USA | É lots of tennis matches -- this time for gold medals. Plus there's the women's 20K walk and USA vs. New Zealand in a women's field hockey match. | Back in college, my weekends began at 11 p.m. So this weekend block É | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sunday, August 17, 2008 | 2:00 AM | 2:30 AM | 3:00 AM | 3:30 AM | 4:00 A.M. | 4:30 A.M. | 5:00 A.M. | 5:30 A.M. | 6:00 A.M. | 6:30 A.M. | 7:00 A.M. | 7:30 A.M. | 8:00 A.M. | 8:30 A.M. | 9:00 A.M. | 9:30 A.M. | 10:00 A.M. | 10:30 A.M. | 11:00 A.M. | 11:30 A.M. | 12 P.M. | 12:30 P.M. | 1:00 P.M. | 1:30 P.M. | 2:00 PM | 2:30 PM | 3:00 PM | 3:30 PM | 4:00 P.M. | 4:30 P.M. | 5:00 P.M. | 5:30 P.M. | 6:00 P.M. | 6:30 P.M. | 7:00 P.M. | 7:30 P.M. | 8:00 P.M. | 8:30 P.M. | 9:00 P.M. | 9:30 P.M. | 10:00 P.M. | 10:30 P.M. | 11:00 P.M. | 11:30 P.M. | 12:00 A.M. | 12:30 A.M. | 1:00 A.M. | 1:30 A.M. | |
| CNBC | Three different weight classes in boxing embark on their elimination rounds. (Drink!) | Women's softball: USA vs. China. Record this so you can later mute and/or fast forward through all the bloviation the commentators will bring. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| MSNBC | Fun fact: I'm going to recommend my girl scout troop members record today's slog for their "field sports" and "court sports" badges, as they'll be able to see softball (USA vs. Netherlands), volleyball (Italy vs. Brazil), basketball (Australia vs. Russia). The menfolk get to fence today. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| NBC | I bet if you tune in right now, someone will still be yammering about how amazing it is that a mom and 41-year-old can swim at the Olympics. And you won't be able to console yourself by murmuring, "It's only a nightmare, it's only a nightmare É" | Gold-medal finals in track cycling, rowing and table tennis. The USA plays Poland in women's volleyball, and I bet my husband rediscovers his Polish nationalist pride right before that bout starts. I am holding out hope that the USA vs. New Zealand baseball game begins with the Kiwis perfoming a haka. Have y'all ever seen that? It's both awesome and terrifying, and needs to be implemented before sports matches everywhere. | Track events go into gold-medal rounds tonight with the women's 100 meters and the steeplechase, but I'm betting everyone's going to be tuning in for the four separate gymnastics events being televised. Prepare to watch men mercilessly abuse their pommel horse (again: not a euphemism) and do the floor exercises (I'm still peeved they don't have to dance to music like the ladies) while the women compete on the vault and the floor. | It's the women's triathlon finals. Take a good look at the beautiful bodies of strong women -- you won't see them again until the next Olympics since God knows the women's magazines are allergic to displaying them. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Telemundo | Gold-medal finals in track and field, and in swimming. Also, there will be trampolining. Doesn't it seem wrong to you that trampolining will be in the Olympics for the foreseeable future, while baseball and softball are going away? Can you imagine anyone trampolining their way out of the Dominican Republic? | Women's beach volleyball quarterfinals. Manhattan Beach will be watching! | Telemundo's putting something here, but no sabe que es esta. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| USA | É begins with more gold-medal tennis matches, then moves on to the Russia vs. Germany women's handball match. It'll be like Stalingrad all over again, only in handball. | Okay, this is the night where I just might decide to pull an all-nighter É | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Monday, August 18, 2008 | 2:00 AM | 2:30 AM | 3:00 AM | 3:30 AM | 4:00 A.M. | 4:30 A.M. | 5:00 A.M. | 5:30 A.M. | 6:00 A.M. | 6:30 A.M. | 7:00 A.M. | 7:30 A.M. | 8:00 A.M. | 8:30 A.M. | 9:00 A.M. | 9:30 A.M. | 10:00 A.M. | 10:30 A.M. | 11:00 A.M. | 11:30 A.M. | 12 P.M. | 12:30 P.M. | 1:00 P.M. | 1:30 P.M. | 2:00 PM | 2:30 PM | 3:00 PM | 3:30 PM | 4:00 P.M. | 4:30 P.M. | 5:00 P.M. | 5:30 P.M. | 6:00 P.M. | 6:30 P.M. | 7:00 P.M. | 7:30 P.M. | 8:00 P.M. | 8:30 P.M. | 9:00 P.M. | 9:30 P.M. | 10:00 P.M. | 10:30 P.M. | 11:00 P.M. | 11:30 P.M. | 12:00 A.M. | 12:30 A.M. | 1:00 A.M. | 1:30 A.M. | |
| CNBC | It's the featherweights and superheavyweights in quarter-final boxing elimination rounds. (Drink!) It's like a Sesame Street sketch on opposites, only with punching. | It's a grab bag: men's freestyle wrestling and table-tennis. Sadly, not simultaneously. That event's not until 2016. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| MSNBC | Argentina plays Russia in a prelim-round men's basketball game, China plays the USA in baseball, Germany plays Denmark in men's handball, and there's hot women's soccer semifinal action. Also, it's a good day for solo sports: weight lifting and track cycling. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| NBC | Did you start awake with the word "steeplechase" ringing in your ears? Soothe your soul with the rebroadcast of that event. | You cannot stop the spread of volleyball; you can only hope to contain it. Or hope that you'll see some track & field between bumping and setting. | Individual event finals in both men's and women's gymnastics, and the women's gold-medal trampolining event. (I can remember a fitness craze in the 1980s where people jogged on minitrampolines. This probably has nothing to do with the Olympic event but I'm thinking it should -- synchronized minitramp routines.) Also, there will be track. | It's the men's triathlon finals. You think you suck wind after swimming, cycling or running? Watch these guys fall across the finish line. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Oxygen | Monday means watching the pretty horses and little girls dancing for gold in the night. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Telemundo | True story: the most haunting thing I ever witnessed at the Olympics was John Tesh at the gymastics event, musing. "Little girls, dancing in the night for gold." Try not to think of that when you watch gymnastics at 2 a.m. today. | A live women's soccer game! Also, some men's beach volleyball and some boxing. Somewhere, a CNBC exec's ears just pricked up like a jealous lover's. | Telemundo's putting something here, but no sabe que es esta. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| USA | É because there's some men's water polo action! US vs. Germany -- let's go! Also, there's medal rounds in men's table tennis and more kayaking. | Not only is this time slot feeling a lot like dŽjˆ vu, so is the lineup É | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Tuesday, August 19, 2008 | 2:00 AM | 2:30 AM | 3:00 AM | 3:30 AM | 4:00 A.M. | 4:30 A.M. | 5:00 A.M. | 5:30 A.M. | 6:00 A.M. | 6:30 A.M. | 7:00 A.M. | 7:30 A.M. | 8:00 A.M. | 8:30 A.M. | 9:00 A.M. | 9:30 A.M. | 10:00 A.M. | 10:30 A.M. | 11:00 A.M. | 11:30 A.M. | 12 P.M. | 12:30 P.M. | 1:00 P.M. | 1:30 P.M. | 2:00 PM | 2:30 PM | 3:00 PM | 3:30 PM | 4:00 P.M. | 4:30 P.M. | 5:00 P.M. | 5:30 P.M. | 6:00 P.M. | 6:30 P.M. | 7:00 P.M. | 7:30 P.M. | 8:00 P.M. | 8:30 P.M. | 9:00 P.M. | 9:30 P.M. | 10:00 P.M. | 10:30 P.M. | 11:00 P.M. | 11:30 P.M. | 12:00 A.M. | 12:30 A.M. | 1:00 A.M. | 1:30 A.M. | |
| CNBC | Three more weight classes slog toward the medal rounds in the boxing. So, yes, there are eliminations. (Drink!) | Women's softball: a semifinal game of some sort. This spreadsheet can't tell the future, so who know which countries it'll be? | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| MSNBC | It's the men's superheavyweight weightlifting finals! I dare you to watch this and not think of the SNL sketch where the lifter rips his arms off ("That's got to be a disappointment for the big guy"). Also, it's the USA vs. Taiwan in baseball, women's volleyball semifinals and freestyle wrestling finals. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| NBC | Hello, vampire. Watch the beach volleyball players frolicking in the sun and weep for your inability to withstand daylight. Nyah-nyah! | Woooo! Women's waterpolo semifinals! There are also semifinals in women's beach volleyball and in track. | For some, news of the gymnastic events finals is but the sad goodbye to the best part of the Olympics. For others, it means liberating their TV from Elfi Schlegel's piping tones. Hang in for the track finals too. | Cognitive dissonance alert: BMX racing finals, men's trampolining finals. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Oxygen | Just when you thought Oxygen couldn't get more girly, they throw synchronized swimming into the horse-and-gymnast mix. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Telemundo | The men's soccer semifinal round airs live. Since most global soccer mavens are, by definition, fanatics, I am sure they'll be up to see the game. And probably shouting every time something like gymnastics, track and field or diving intrude on their beautiful games. | Did you not get enough pure soccer in the past six hours? Call in sick and watch another three hours live. | Telemundo's putting something here, but no sabe que es esta. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| USA | É what with the table tennis, track cycling, kayaking and canoeing and some of that ubiquitous beach volleyball. Boy, you can really tell that TV execs are hoping beach volleyball packs 'em in. | Oh, it's another long, dark night where I wrestle with my conscience, because É | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Wednesday, August 20, 2008 | 2:00 AM | 2:30 AM | 3:00 AM | 3:30 AM | 4:00 A.M. | 4:30 A.M. | 5:00 A.M. | 5:30 A.M. | 6:00 A.M. | 6:30 A.M. | 7:00 A.M. | 7:30 A.M. | 8:00 A.M. | 8:30 A.M. | 9:00 A.M. | 9:30 A.M. | 10:00 A.M. | 10:30 A.M. | 11:00 A.M. | 11:30 A.M. | 12 P.M. | 12:30 P.M. | 1:00 P.M. | 1:30 P.M. | 2:00 PM | 2:30 PM | 3:00 PM | 3:30 PM | 4:00 P.M. | 4:30 P.M. | 5:00 P.M. | 5:30 P.M. | 6:00 P.M. | 6:30 P.M. | 7:00 P.M. | 7:30 P.M. | 8:00 P.M. | 8:30 P.M. | 9:00 P.M. | 9:30 P.M. | 10:00 P.M. | 10:30 P.M. | 11:00 P.M. | 11:30 P.M. | 12:00 A.M. | 12:30 A.M. | 1:00 A.M. | 1:30 A.M. | |
| CNBC | You know the drill: three boxing weight classes all continue quarterfinal rounds. There will be eliminations. You will drink. (Drink!) | Women's 20K walk final. Or, in anachronistic American miles, the women's 12 mile walk final. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| MSNBC | The words "freestyle wrestling" always evoke a confused image of people underwater and swimming as they put each other in sleeper holds. But it's an actual sport and the men's finals are on, as are quarterfinals in men's volleyball and handball, US vs. Japan in baseball and the softball bronze-medal game. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| NBC | Are you having a hard time letting go of the gymnastics competition? Ease the pain with this primetime replay of the event finals. Then be a good sport and watch the also-awesome trak finals (hurdles!) and some men's springboard diving. | Volleyball continues its takeover of the games with quarterfinal action. Women's 10M diving begins with the prelims. | Those poor little teenaged gymnasts are forced to perform some more, even after all the medal-counting is over. For those of us who are actually interested in competitions with real stakes, there is BMX racing, track, women's beach volleyball (AT LAST, IT IS OVER!). Also, the lady divers go into the semifinals. | More women's beach volleyball than a Baywatch episode and then, for a little cognitive dissonance, we switch to the women's hammer toss. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Oxygen | Alas, a day without horses. But we do have finals in synchronized swimming, and a gymnastics recap. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Telemundo | Let the men's divers keep you company in your insomnia. They've got nothing else to do between semifinal rounds. Alternately, you can watch men's basketball quarterfinals or track & field. | Men's beach volleyball finals. I bet they won't be as cool as the entire team of men who played while dressed as Magnum P.I. (Also, some gymnastics.) | Telemundo's putting something here, but no sabe que es esta. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| USA | É we've got men's water polo semifinals AND women's open water distance race finals! I can totally see staying up for that. The kayaking is getting old, though, and so is the basketball. | Your mission during tonight's ten-hour block: watch the men AND women É | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Thursday, August 21, 2008 | 2:00 AM | 2:30 AM | 3:00 AM | 3:30 AM | 4:00 A.M. | 4:30 A.M. | 5:00 A.M. | 5:30 A.M. | 6:00 A.M. | 6:30 A.M. | 7:00 A.M. | 7:30 A.M. | 8:00 A.M. | 8:30 A.M. | 9:00 A.M. | 9:30 A.M. | 10:00 A.M. | 10:30 A.M. | 11:00 A.M. | 11:30 A.M. | 12 P.M. | 12:30 P.M. | 1:00 P.M. | 1:30 P.M. | 2:00 PM | 2:30 PM | 3:00 PM | 3:30 PM | 4:00 P.M. | 4:30 P.M. | 5:00 P.M. | 5:30 P.M. | 6:00 P.M. | 6:30 P.M. | 7:00 P.M. | 7:30 P.M. | 8:00 P.M. | 8:30 P.M. | 9:00 P.M. | 9:30 P.M. | 10:00 P.M. | 10:30 P.M. | 11:00 P.M. | 11:30 P.M. | 12:00 A.M. | 12:30 A.M. | 1:00 A.M. | 1:30 A.M. | |
| CNBC | The boxers con -- no, no, wait, there's no boxing on at this time! It's all men's freestyle wrestling matches. For the gold! Hell, you needed to sober up anyway. | Men's baseball: It's a semifinal. Let us hope that, for face-saving reasons, the people who play America's pastime for America manage to make it this far. | Oh, hello, boxing. Where were you during Happy Hour this afternoon? What? You thought we'd prefer a nightcap? How thoughtful, what with airing still more elimination bouts. (Drink!) | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| MSNBC | It's ladies' night -- and ladies' morning. We get the women's bronze-medal game in soccer, the women's bronze-medal game in water polo, and a whole mess of women's semifinals, among them: basketball, handball and volleyball. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| NBC | Are you too keyed up to sleep? Relive the fun of NON-MEDAL, ABSOLUTELY NO STAKES AT ALL gymnastics that NBC's also airing on Oxygen, and then cleanse the palate with some men's sprinting and BMX finals. | I can stop keeping this spreadsheet now: the women's gold-medal water polo game is on right here, right now. There's also the equestrian jumping final, the debut of the men's distance-swimming event and some rhythmic gymnastics, but really, I'm just here for the water polo. | NBC continues to bet that you love nothing more than watching toned, skimpily clad bodies leaping about in the sun. Or smog. And that is why you'll be watching the men's beach volleyball final. Also, many men will be running many track events tonight; the ladies have one, but they're also busy diving. | Men's beach volleyball bronze-medal game. No players dressed like Magnum, P.I.? Then I'm not watching. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Oxygen | You know what you haven't seen enough of yet? Gymnastics. Watch some more, bearing in mind that it doesn't even matter who sticks their landing at this point. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Telemundo | Women's platform diving semifinals are going on, but the real fun will be in the track and field events -- there are gold medals to be won during this broadcast. | Women's soccer -- gold medal game. Also, it's the gold medal game for women's beach volleyball. Incidentally, if your daughter's working on any sports badges in girl scouting, viewing these matches will count as a requirement. | Telemundo's putting something here, but no sabe que es esta. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| USA | É who are playing table tennis and see how many are from China but playing elsewhere. It'll keep you going during the men's swimming marathon, 'cause you know that event's going to run long. | This is the last of the ten-hour slogs! And what will we be recording? Why É | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Friday, August 22, 2008 | 2:00 AM | 2:30 AM | 3:00 AM | 3:30 AM | 4:00 A.M. | 4:30 A.M. | 5:00 A.M. | 5:30 A.M. | 6:00 A.M. | 6:30 A.M. | 7:00 A.M. | 7:30 A.M. | 8:00 A.M. | 8:30 A.M. | 9:00 A.M. | 9:30 A.M. | 10:00 A.M. | 10:30 A.M. | 11:00 A.M. | 11:30 A.M. | 12 P.M. | 12:30 P.M. | 1:00 P.M. | 1:30 P.M. | 2:00 PM | 2:30 PM | 3:00 PM | 3:30 PM | 4:00 P.M. | 4:30 P.M. | 5:00 P.M. | 5:30 P.M. | 6:00 P.M. | 6:30 P.M. | 7:00 P.M. | 7:30 P.M. | 8:00 P.M. | 8:30 P.M. | 9:00 P.M. | 9:30 P.M. | 10:00 P.M. | 10:30 P.M. | 11:00 P.M. | 11:30 P.M. | 12:00 A.M. | 12:30 A.M. | 1:00 A.M. | 1:30 A.M. | |
| CNBC | It's the last boxing entry! Six different weight classes all battle in semifinal bouts! There will be elimination! And incredulity that after all CNBC and we have been through, they're not showing the gold-medal rounds here too. Bastards! (Drink!) | Men's soccer: ItÕs one of the most popular games in the world, so OF COURSE the gold medal bout is being played on cable and not on primetime network television. At least it's a live game. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| MSNBC | MSNBC! You only offered two hours of programming today? What's wrong? Do you really think you can cram the following into two hours: the men's soccer bronze-medal game, the women's field hockey bronze-medal game, the gold-medal competition in women's modern pentathalon and women's mountain biking, PLUS semifinals in baseball and men's volleyball? Are you planning on speeding up the film and playing the Benny Hill soundtrack? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| NBC | Hello, new parents! Are you wishing you had been able to see the track finals, diving and rhythmic gymnastics semifinals that coincided with the 9 p.m. feeding last night? Catch up during the 3 a.m. feeding. | It's flatwater canoeing and kayaking finals, which will be awesome, of course. But if you prefer your sports on dry land, there's some men's basketball and the gold-medal match in women's table tennis. | It's track and field finals -- sprint relays, pole vaulting and the men's decathalon. I would love it if the winner credited his success to the little chocolate donuts on his training table. Oh, I wish MY Olympic dreams would come true! | Have you ever wondered how to qualify as a synchronized swimmer? Other than waterproof mascara? Now's your chance to find out. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Oxygen | Oh my GOD, Oxygen actually featured a women's sport that didn't involve horses, leotards or sparkles. It's the gold-medal game for women's field hockey. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Telemundo | Get ready for women's platform diving, men's beach volleyball finals (At last! A chance to see what the dudes' bikinis look like!) and track and field. | The men's soccer bronze-medal game is on right now. Also, some basketball, but really, we're here for the Beautiful Game. | Do you want to rewatch the men's gold-medal soccer match? Now's your lucky chance! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| USA | É it's a men's water polo semifinal, the men's 50K walk, and our old friends, table tennis and canoing. I'm thrilled to see water polo on any channel, but where are the chicks' teams? | Hey! It's a tiny, fleeting, three-hour block on USA! They'll be airing the bronze-medal baseball match. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Saturday, August 23, 2008 | 2:00 AM | 2:30 AM | 3:00 AM | 3:30 AM | 4:00 A.M. | 4:30 A.M. | 5:00 A.M. | 5:30 A.M. | 6:00 A.M. | 6:30 A.M. | 7:00 A.M. | 7:30 A.M. | 8:00 A.M. | 8:30 A.M. | 9:00 A.M. | 9:30 A.M. | 10:00 A.M. | 10:30 A.M. | 11:00 A.M. | 11:30 A.M. | 12 P.M. | 12:30 P.M. | 1:00 P.M. | 1:30 P.M. | 2:00 PM | 2:30 PM | 3:00 PM | 3:30 PM | 4:00 P.M. | 4:30 P.M. | 5:00 P.M. | 5:30 P.M. | 6:00 P.M. | 6:30 P.M. | 7:00 P.M. | 7:30 P.M. | 8:00 P.M. | 8:30 P.M. | 9:00 P.M. | 9:30 P.M. | 10:00 P.M. | 10:30 P.M. | 11:00 P.M. | 11:30 P.M. | 12:00 A.M. | 12:30 A.M. | 1:00 A.M. | 1:30 A.M. | |
| CNBC | Men's basketball: It's the bronze medal game. Maintain dignity, USA. Try not to be bothered if your swan song is on this channel. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| MSNBC | Who wants to get up at 5 a.m. to watch the gold- and bronze-medal men's table tennis matches? You know you do! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| NBC | Those of you who think primetime is for conformists and squares can get your Olympic games on with the stuff the rest of us non-vampires watched from 8 p.m. to midnight last night. Alternately, you can ask yourself, "There are live events airing on other channels right now. Why am I watching stuff that's 24 hours old?' Your choice. I'm not going to judge. | After you watch the women's gold-medal basketball game, stick around to see the women's gold-medal volleyball game, the women's gold-medal competition in rhythmic gymnastics (the only sport known to send my dad and grandfather fleeing from the room in terror), and team synchronized swimming. Then, to offset all the estrogen, watch some gold-medal boxing and white-water canoing. | Evidently, we will be viewing all 26.2 miles of the marathon in real time. I mean the real time it takes ME to run a marathon. The Olympians will finish much more quickly, which lets us get to the rest of the track and field finals and the men's 10m diving final. | Warning: this block goes to 5 a.m. But it's worth it, if only for the oodles of gold medals. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Telemundo | The baseball gold medal game is live. Also, you'll see finals in boxing (it's so wrong not to have the very final rounds on CNBC! Blasphemy, I sawy!), finals in track and field, and the men's 10M platform diving finals. Sadly, I don't know exactly when each of these is going to be on. Just resign yourself to TiVoing all of it if a day of mostly topless men is your idea of fun. | It's the men's volleyball semifinals. Please tell me they make the guys wear bikinis inside. It's only fair. | Women's volleyball: gold-medal match. I bet if they wore bikinis, they'd have a better time slot. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| USA | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sunday, August 24, 2008 | 2:00 AM | 2:30 AM | 3:00 AM | 3:30 AM | 4:00 A.M. | 4:30 A.M. | 5:00 A.M. | 5:30 A.M. | 6:00 A.M. | 6:30 A.M. | 7:00 A.M. | 7:30 A.M. | 8:00 A.M. | 8:30 A.M. | 9:00 A.M. | 9:30 A.M. | 10:00 A.M. | 10:30 A.M. | 11:00 A.M. | 11:30 A.M. | 12 P.M. | 12:30 P.M. | 1:00 P.M. | 1:30 P.M. | 2:00 PM | 2:30 PM | 3:00 PM | 3:30 PM | 4:00 P.M. | 4:30 P.M. | 5:00 P.M. | 5:30 P.M. | 6:00 P.M. | 6:30 P.M. | 7:00 P.M. | 7:30 P.M. | 8:00 P.M. | 8:30 P.M. | 9:00 P.M. | 9:30 P.M. | 10:00 P.M. | 10:30 P.M. | 11:00 P.M. | 11:30 P.M. | 12:00 A.M. | 12:30 A.M. | 1:00 A.M. | 1:30 A.M. | |
| NBC | Gold-medal finals in men's basketball (it's LIVE!), men's table tennis and men's mountain biking. | What do men's water polo and women's rhythmic gymnastics have in common? Why, lots of balls. Also gold medal finals. If you tire of lithe people competing for gold, watch the bozers pounding each other for gold. | Say goodbye to the Olympics tonight with the men's volleyball gold match. Also, there may be a closing ceremony. If you can't get enough of this the first time around, wait a half hour and catch the three-hour replay. WAIT -- where did ninety minutes of the volleyball and closing ceremony go? WHERE? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Telemundo | Gold medal events: the men's marathon, men's basketball, track and field, men's platform diving and men's boxing. Take frequent breaks to make sure you don't spontaneously sprout a beard from all the testosterone on screen. | Remember the last two weeks of nonstop sports coverage? No? Then this is your lucky hour. | Telemundo's putting something here, but no sabe que es esta. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| USA | The women's bronze-medal match in handball. | It's the men's gold-medal baseball game. This will probably not run as long as the MLB's all-star game, or wreck so many pitchers' arms. | And now, it's the women's GOLD-medal handball game. Why would you want to air it back-to-back with the bronze match? That's crazy talk. | Hey, remember all those events you thought you were going to watch during the Olympics and didn't? Like the men's basketball gold medal game, or the men's gold-medal handball game, or the bronze-medal matches for men's volleyball or men's water polo? No? Well, use these nine hours to jog your memory. And don't even think of asking why we're not seeing the ladies' water polo, despite the U.S. women's team doing so well. Or any other women's sports that don't involve makeup and a subjective scoring system. Just watch the men doing manly things. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||